The Perfect Run

Alchemo had fashioned the courier a throne of metal and cables within the depths of Mechron’s submarine, linked to six helmets and special chairs for the would-be time-travelers. Everyone was busy preparing for the procedure. Felix bade goodbye to his sisters, all of them crying; Livia memorized everyone’s freshly recorded brain-maps, from Sunshine’s to Narcinia’s; Mr. Wave and his sidekick the Living Sun prepped Shroud for the trip; Len and the other Geniuses oversaw the computations on complex computers, while Bianca complained as her own preparations took longer than usual; Stitch watched everything from afar; and a lone felt post-heroic blues.

“This is my first time-travel,” the said, anxiously biting his fingernails in his human form. He had strapped his helmet first among all the would-be travelers, and as usual, immediately believed all of Ryan’s tales. “What if it goes wrong?”

“It won’t,” the courier replied calmly. “Besides, you’re a nothing can harm you.”

“But Sifu, when I come back, I won’t…” the poor manbear narrowed his head in shame. “I won’t learn...“

“You have learned enough, and since you’ve won the cosmic lottery once, you can drink the Elixir again. Only you can make Elixir bigamy work!” Well, technically, anyone could with their cure. Early tests on the captive Meta-Gang had proved the method’s effectiveness.

Though in Secret Agent Frank’s case, Ryan kinda preferred him as a Psycho.

“But what if the gets a crappy superpower this time around?” his pandawan asked. “The Panda… the doesn’t want to be useless.”

“You were never useless,” Ryan replied firmly, causing the poor manbear to look up at him with hope. “Never.”

“N-never?”

“Never,” Ryan confirmed. “And Elixirs grant wishes, though not always well. If you want to learn, there’s no reason why the Blue Elixir won’t listen.”

The courier suddenly wondered what kind of wish Mosquito had made though. It must have been poorly worded.

“I… the wanted to be loved when he drank his Elixir,” the manbear admitted sheepishly. “To have everyone look up to him.”

“And it worked, but not thanks to your power.” Ryan managed to raise an armored hand, putting his index finger on the Panda’s chest. “Thanks to this.”

“The… the heart?”

“You know, what I admire the most about you is that in spite of all the difficulties, you remain as optimistic and determined as the first day.” In a way, Ryan saw himself in his young pandawan. “I mean, your tragic backstory was one of the darkest things I have ever heard. Very few people would have stayed innocent after that, and it takes strength.”

His words seemed to have reached his disciple’s heart, for he stopped biting his nails and nodded to himself. “Thanks, Sifu,” he said with deference.

Ryan raised a thumbs up, while Len and Bianca each took their place around the machine throne.

“It better be fucking worth it,” the latter complained, as Alchemo put a helmet on her face. “I didn’t work years as a living cloud to get a few days of vacation as a human. This ain’t an eight-to-five job.”

“Your case is the most uncertain,” Alchemo warned. “Your unique chemistry makes the transfer a coin toss.”

“It will work,” Len said, closing her eyes while the helmet hung heavily on her head. With two reloads under her belt, she had grown almost comfortable with the procedure. “It must.”

Felix and Shroud followed suit, though the latter’s girlfriend hugged him one last time before he could put on his own helmet. “How do the priests say it?” Ryan mused, as the vigilante’s teammates helped him put on his harness. “Until time does us part?”

“I promised that, whatever happens next time around…” Shroudy Matty cleared his throat. “That I would do it right.”

“Do what right?”

“Date her. No more vigilante work behind her back, no more lies. I will be honest from the start.” Shroud sighed, though Ryan noticed a thin smile at his lips’ edge. “Wherever it leads us.”

“We will come to New Rome as swiftly as possible, if Shroud asks,” Leo informed Ryan after helping his teammate get comfortable with his seat. “But not before a few days.”

“Mr. Wave was busy killing Nazis on May 8th,” Mr. Wave explained rationally. “Undead Nazis. Exorcising the Third Reich takes time, even at lightspeed.”

So they wouldn’t help with the bunker raid. Ryan had expected as much. Though Mr. Wave helped Alchemo attach Felix’s helmet, Sunshine quizzed the courier. “The ace in the hole that could give you an edge over Augustus, and allow you to defeat Geist…” he whispered. “It comes from this Black World, doesn\'t it?”

“I wield the majority’s power in one hand, and the minority in the other,” Ryan replied.

“I do not understand that joke,” Sunshine replied, his expression serious. “When we fought Mechron for the final time, he opened a portal to the Blue World in a failed attempt to enhance his power… or so he tried. Instead, he contacted a darker place.”

“The Black World?”

“The creature beyond his portal destroyed Mechron. Annihilated him, and nearly did the same with all of Sarajevo. There had been no malice in that entity’s action, only careless curiosity.” Sunshine let out a sigh. “What I’m saying is, if these entities can casually violate causality and destroy our reality by inattention, then your ability could have unforeseen side-effects or consequences. You should use it sparingly.”

“Everything else failed to harm Augustus,” Ryan replied. And if he could trust his girlfriend, everything else would fail. “And you’ve seen what happens if nobody catches the lightning in a bottle.”

“Augustus’ death is not worth destroying our world, however much he may deserve it,” Leo warned, arms crossed. “But I suppose the choice is up to you in that case.”

“I’ll keep it in mind, I promise,” the courier said, joining his hands. “You know, I’m glad you aren’t pushy about this. I thought you would try really hard to make me join your circus and use my power to assist you.”

“I don’t believe in forcing people to join us,” Sunshine replied with a kind gaze. “True dedication only comes when freely given.”

Damn knight in shining armor... looking at him made Ryan teary inside.

“We are ready to begin, meatbags,” Alchemo said, typing on his computer.

Last but not least, Livia took her place right next to her boyfriend’s left. Her hand reached out for his own, and he swore he could sense her fingers’ warmth beneath the Saturn Armor’s steel.

“Anxious?” Livia asked Ryan.

“No,” her boyfriend replied, squeezing her fingers. “I waited seventeen loops for this.”

Time froze as he activated his power, and the procedure began. Violet particles appeared around him alongside many black ones, duplicating at an accelerated rate. Ryan briefly noticed a white rabbit’s ears rise behind Alchemo’s shoulder, before the particles swallowed the cranky Genius too.

Ryan expected an immediate return to the past, but to his surprise, the phenomenon carried on. More and more Violet Flux blinded him to the reality around him, overwhelming even the Black spots among them.

Then the purple veil split in half, a window through time and space. Through this door, Ryan distinguished hints of a pure violet place, and a triangular shadow moving closer to him. The shape became clearer, revealing strange eyes filled with burning stars.

The Illuminati pyramid looked down at the courier with its alien gaze, and all wen—

It was May 8th again, hopefully for the final time.

Ryan immediately drove through the streets of New Rome, aiming straight for Renesco’s bar. By now, he knew the way like the back of his hand.

Though he wouldn’t advise anyone else to do it, the courier kept control of the wheel with one hand and seized his cell phone with the other. He quickly received confirmation text messages from multiple people before he was even halfway through his destination.

Unknown Caller: I’m back, Sifu, I’m back!

Unknown Caller: Already on my way to the Junkyard, Quicksave.

Unknown Caller: I can’t believe you were telling the truth. I’ll catch up to you ASAP.

Unknown Caller: I’m here, my knight.

Timmy, Mathias, Felix, and Livia.

Len quickly made her presence known by hijacking the Chronoradio the moment Ryan put it on. “Riri, I made it. A bit groggy, but… but I’m here.”

“So did the others,” Ryan said with joy. “Success!”

It had taken centuries, but the courier had finally expanded his time-traveling postal service!

Only Bianca hadn’t sent a message, and considering her current location, she couldn’t do so even if she wanted to. Ryan hoped that the transfer had worked out for her.

“I’ll take care of Ghoul, meet up with the others, and hit the bunker through the front door,” the courier informed his best friend. “Wait near the backdoor, and take the water gun. It’s time to get Psypsy wet again.”

“With pleasure,” she said with a hint of enthusiasm. She hadn’t forgotten the Meta-Gang’s repeated assaults on her orphanage. “Take care, Riri… and good luck.”

“You too, Shortie,” Ryan said before his adoptive sister went silent.

Since multiple people had successfully traveled back in time, it was time to test Livia’s theory. If Ryan saved now, he could safeguard his allies’ memories of the previous loops, even if this one ended prematurely. Though it was usually a big no-no in his book, the courier had already broken all his usual rules so far.

What was one more?

Ryan froze time, letting the universe turn purple. His car froze in the middle of the road, alongside all others.

One second passed, and then another. Ryan held his breath as he counted them, waiting for the final countdown.

Then he sensed an opposing force pushing back against his power, and time resumed before the fateful tenth second.

Ryan almost veered off the road in surprise, though skills honed through countless iterations allowed him to quickly regain control of his vehicle.

The courier attempted to save again, but events repeated themselves. His power refused to go past ten seconds, letting time resume before the past could be set in stone. A shiver went down Ryan’s spine, as a horrible realization dawned on him.

He couldn’t save.

Why? Why?! Did his Black power interfere with his Violet one? Did the Alchemist tamper with it before her demise?

Fear overtook Ryan’s heart. If he couldn’t save… if he couldn’t save, would he be trapped in this city, always brought back to the past? Unable to die, unable to move on?

A voice came out of the Chronoradio, but it didn’t belong to Shortie.

It was Livia’s.

"What difference could ten seconds make?" Ryan’s girlfriend asked, an echo of the past timeline.

“Which is surprisingly a lot,” Geist’s voice answered, as bored as a tombstone.

Then came Felix’s mocking words, from a distant loop long gone. “So you don’t know everything.”

Ryan’s fingers tightened around the driver’s wheel. He had already been in a similar situation, when he tried to make first contact with the Violet Ultimate One. Echoes of the past had guided him and Shortie on the path to find the mind-transfer technology.

Though it couldn’t force a reload, Ryan’s Elixir could prevent him from saving, as it did in Monaco. Back then, it had done so to prevent the courier from getting locked in a place with no way out and ruining all future runs.

Was this a similar situation? Had Ryan overlooked a detail that would make saving now dangerous, causing his guardian angel to intervene? Was this Perfect Run ruined from the start?

It was Ryan’s own voice that answered his silent questions. “Some say I should persevere,” his words echoed through the Chronoradio, before twisting into Fortuna’s. “My power will guide us to victory!”

Ryan scoffed. “I hate railroading.”

“Don’t break your back climbing the hill,” Simon’s voice encouraged him, and the Chronoradio fell silent.

Alright.

He had to see this run through, and see what awaited him at the end.

Ryan finally reached his destination, and parked his car near Renesco’s bar. As he waited for his favorite Bone Daddy’s arrival, the courier noticed his phone beeping. Ryan picked up the call, upon identifying the number as Livia’s. “Love?”

“My knight, where are you?”

“I’m on my way to the bar,” Ryan replied. “Is everything alright?”

“No,” she answered with panic, to his astonishment. “Something is wrong.”

The courier immediately worried. Did Psypsy hijack Len’s brain again? Or did one of the transfers go wrong? “What’s happening?”

“I can’t see Geist anymore.”

Ryan blinked behind his mask, while he noticed the hooded Ghoul approaching the bar from a street corner.

“I don’t know, he was fine a few minutes ago and then vanished without a trace. Bacchus has tried to contact him again, to no avail. It’s as if...”

“As if he had passed on,” Ryan finished.

Darkling had warned him. His Black power fed on deleted realities and paradoxes, each use of it strengthening its influence over reality.

Two loops.

Two loops had made Ryan’s Black power so strong that it could act retroactively.

Which meant that if he accidentally slew anyone with it, even Augustus…

“Ryan, what did you do?” Livia asked, half scared and half astonished. “I can’t even see him with my power.”

“I’m not sure, princess,” Ryan admitted. Were the effects permanent, or would they fade out with another loop? Was that why he couldn’t save? Did his Black power interfere with his other ability? Or did it risk permanently damaging the timeline?

Sunshine had been correct, he didn’t understand his own ability enough.

“We must proceed as planned for now,” the courier said. “Each second counts. We’ll see what’s up with Casper afterward.”

“I… yes, you’re right.” Livia cleared out her throat. “I will be rushing to the Junkyard with Fortuna. See you soon.”

“See you soon,” Ryan replied warmly, before ending the call right as Ghoul walked into the bar.

Damn it, this run had barely begun and already he would have to adjust his timing!

Putting his phone back in his pocket and smashing the accelerator, Ryan opened his Perfect Run by ramming his car into Ghoul’s back.

Somehow, that never got old.

The bar’s entrance wall crumbled behind the Plymouth Fury, and Ghoul crashed into the ground head-first. The barman retreated behind the counter, while the clients screamed and ran away.

Ryan calmly stepped out of his car, moved to the trunk, and grabbed the briefcase he had been hired to deliver. Then he waltzed through the bar like a child through a candy store.

“I’m calling the Private Security!” Renesco complained behind the bar counter.

“It’s okay, it’s the postal service!” Ryan replied, before smashing Ghoul’s skull with the briefcase while he was still dizzy. “I’ve come to deliver the mail!”

“Get the fuck out of my ba—” Renesco didn’t finish his sentence, as Ryan all but tossed the briefcase and a colossal Euro bribe on the counter.

“Quicksave always delivers, no matter how many tries,” Ryan said, as Renesco quickly counted the money and barely paid attention to the briefcase. “We offer top-notch insurance services against property damage.”

“It’s enough to pay for the repairs,” Renesco said, before peeking over the counter to look at the dizzied Ghoul. “What about him?”

“Don’t worry about this bag of bones,” the courier said, as he glanced at his favorite undead. Ghoul struggled to rise back up, trying to use a chair as a foothold to do so. Ryan kindly kicked it out of his reach. “He’s what we call a freebie.”

“Who are you?” Ghoul rasped, as he managed to get halfway back on his feet on his own.

It was perhaps the last run where the courier could mess with his favorite undead chew toy, and now was the perfect moment to blow off steam. Since his girlfriend had forbidden him his usual joyride suicide runs, the courier decided to have some fun while he could.

He would release all the accumulated tension, before starting his Perfect Run rested, calm, and well-adjusted.

“You know, Ghoul, this might be the last time we can have a heart-to-heart conversation, so I thought I should tell you how I feel.”

The courier took a long, deep breath.

“You were almost like a Luigi to me.”

Ryan grabbed the undead’s skull by surprise.

“That’s why I’m going to send you to space!” The courier announced with a maddened light in his eyes. “You’re going to board a rocket, Ghoul! I’ll put you into a rocket, and we’ll call it Jeff! You’re going to space, Ghoul, space! The final frontier for bones and men!”

“What the hell are you—” Ryan kicked his skeletal chew toy in the leg and released his hold over the head, making him collapse.

“I’m going to send you to Mars, or maybe Pluto because I don’t care what others say, it’s still a planet!” Ryan continued his rant, and fear started to overtake the Psycho’s heart. This only encouraged the courier to further feed on his victim’s misery. “It’s round and orbits around the sun, and there’s an alien base on it! They pay you with seashells, and they drive their UFOs like drunk lemmings! They’re daltonians, Ghoul, daltonians!”

Ghoul attempted to escape by crawling away, but Ryan grabbed him by the leg and pulled him in his direction. Then he moved on all four and invaded the undead’s personal space.

“You’re going to be the first corpse in space, Ghoul! The first undead astronaut in the entire universe!” By now, Ryan was shouting so loud that he made his Luigi substitute wince with every word. “But first you will train for the mission with Henriette! She’s going to chew you, and baptize your skull as her litter box! But it will make you strong, strong like a Russian cosmonaut! And Len will like it because it means we’ll be exporting communism beyond our solar system!”

Ghoul cowered, as he realized the nightmare had only begun.

“You will bone the martians, Ghoul!”